12:06:36 AM EDT
Quit Question
An apology might help,
but you can change you life without one.
Robin Quivers
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None of us should ever be tailgated by regrets and bad memories. It is not in my nature not to forgive people who have done me wrong. It just isn't. I can be competitive, but I don't go looking for revenge. Vengeance is one of those mortal sins that many people feel they have a moral right to. It's what starts wars and keeps them going. Though forgiving my enemies is often difficult, it is easy compared to the effort of forgiving myself.
How can I wipe out the effect on me of the memories of all the stupid, cruel and thoughtless things I've done. Don't look back, the wizards say. But how can I help it when something will trigger a memory that suddenly attacks me like a mosquito. I can slap a mosquito., but not a regret.
In every regret there's a lesson. But there is also a fear. If I am placed in a similar circumstance will I do the same thing again? Was it just an accident that made that thing happen, or is it a trait.
It's very troublesome that I can't go back and apologize to the people I hurt. And that makes it very difficult to shake off the regret. I can only hope that those people understand in some way that I was on a detour from a particular journey of my own, and not out to get them, as I understand that those who hurt me were, no doubt, responding to something in themselves that had little to do with me. A bully may get the better of me, but I know he will immediately go looking for someone else to get the better of.
I think the only solution is to chew upon and digest the lessons that come from my bad and regretful behavior and to shine a light on myself to observe the motivations that made me act that way, and replace them with better ones. That means understanding myself.
I think I've already done that to some extent. And you knew what? It's not so bad.
DB
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